I’m having a bad day today. By “bad,” I mean intensely worrisome. This is what’s on my mind.
Does everyone come to the point in their relationships where you think if you just ask the right questions, address certain topics, and answer them/discuss accordingly, that you will then somehow know how well the rest of the relationship will turn out? You know. . . How the dynamics between partners will mesh and work out. . . How compromises and personal decisions will solidify success. . . . I’m looking for the sign that lets you KNOW things will work out and be okay. Alas, I don’t think there is a documented way to KNOW. What is that test if there is one?
I’m at that spot. Not that anything is wrong with my relationship with N (as far as I am concerned it’s the greatest and most successful of all relationships of all time), but we’ve been together a while and that length of time starts begging of more serious talk. Maybe this phase of a relationship is more difficult and taxing for me as an individual. I’m troubled–unjustly so. Maybe?
Yes, I’m uneasy or shaken in my confidence of having a good thing going. I think it’s just the uncertainty of the thing to me. Being the type A-ish person that I am, I like plans and certainties. . . like some things in science and equations in Algebra–where things work out according to specific rules. I’m plenty used to taking care of me but now there’s another person in the mix. Can I handle taking care of two?
After all this thinking and worrying and fretting today over things that you can’t control, the realization hit me. What really determines the success of any relationship are the decisions that two people make to be together. It’s that both have to respect/love enough and be dedicated enough to create a successful thing. That’s really what it is.
Thanks for listening. I feel better.